


La douleur exquise

by Philosoferre



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Courfeyrac being Courfeyrac, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philosoferre/pseuds/Philosoferre
Summary: “I have a plan,” Courfeyrac says, once both Enjolras and Grantaire are out of earshot.
Eponine gasps, “Oh, no.”
“I object!” Bahorel calls out, slamming his fist down on the table.
Courfeyrac rolls his eyes, “You don’t even know what my plan is.”
“Yeah, but knowing you, it’s either completely ridiculous, stupid, or impossible.”
“All three,’ Courfeyrac says. ‘But it’s for a good cause.”
-
Five times Courfeyrac's plan failed and one time it didn't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a French phrase that basically means 'the pain of loving someone you can't have', or 'unrequited love'. Enjoy!

1.

 

“I have a plan,” Courfeyrac says, once both Enjolras and Grantaire are out of earshot.

 

Eponine gasps, “Oh, no.”

 

“I object!” Bahorel calls out, slamming his fist down on the table.

 

Courfeyrac rolls his eyes, “You don’t even know what my plan is.”

 

“Yeah, but knowing you, it’s either completely ridiculous, stupid, or impossible.”

 

“All three,’ Courfeyrac says. ‘But it’s for a good cause.”

 

“And what, exactly, is your good cause?” Combeferre asks.

 

“I’m going to get Enjolras and Grantaire together.”

 

Eponine laughs, “Just watch that fail.”

 

Courfeyrac pouts at her, because, in all honesty, she’s probably right. He just can’t let her know she’s right.

“I’m serious! I’m going to lock them in a closet. It’ll work.”

 

Combeferre raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. Courfeyrac doesn’t know what to do with that, but he decides that it’s a good sign.

 

(It’s probably disbelief, but he can ignore that.)

 

Courfeyrac turns to Enjolras and Grantaire, who stop whatever discussion they were having.

 

“Can you guys go get something from the supply closet?” He asks innocently.

 

“Uh, sure,’ Grantaire replies. He sounds concerned about Courfeyrac’s motives, which is reasonable. ‘What do you need?”

 

Well. Courfeyrac had been hoping he wouldn’t have to justify his request. Apparently, that’s not the case.

 

He bites his lip nervously, “…Paint. Four. I need four paint cans.”

 

Grantaire eyes him suspiciously as he gets up and walks to the closet. With a reluctant sigh, Enjolras follows him. Courfeyrac gently closes the door without them noticing.

 

He takes his seat at the table again.

 

“Just watch,’ He says. ‘It’s going to work.”

 

-

 

They emerge from the supply closet a few minutes later. Courfeyrac automatically notices how dishevelled they look. Grantaire’s lip is bleeding.

 

Courfeyrac gives them a knowing look.

 

“It wasn’t like that,’ Enjolras says hotly. He turns to Grantaire with an apologetic expression. ‘I’m really sorry, I’ll go get you some ice.”

 

Grantaire nods, and Enjolras walks off to find Musichetta, who knows where the ice is.

 

“He hit me on the face,” Grantaire explains.

 

Courfeyrac raises a suggestive eyebrow.

 

“Not with his face,’ Grantaire sighs. ‘With a paint can. Accidentally.”

 

Courfeyrac makes a vague hand gesture to his friends and smiles.

 

“See? It worked. I told you it would.”

 

“But it didn’t,” Bossuet corrects.

 

He sounds confused.

 

“Baby steps,” Courfeyrac winks.

 

Eponine sighs loudly and shakes her head, either in disappointment or disbelief. Courfeyrac understands both reasons. He’s really disappointed, too.

 

Oh, well. Next time will be more successful.

 

 

2.

 

**From Courf:** i have another plan

**From Courf:** Mission E/R 2.0

**To Courf:** more like Mission IMPOSSIBLE 2.0

**From Courf:** i’m going to take them both 2 lunch @ the Musain

**From Courf:** and then leave them there 4 a date

**From Courf:** am i smart or what

**To Courf:** or what

 

-

 

“Hey, Enj.”

 

There’s a sigh. “By-“

 

“Wait,’ Courf says, nearly dropping his phone. ‘Don’t hang up. I want to ask you something.”

 

Another sigh. “What?”

 

“Do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow?”

 

“Sure,’ Enjolras pauses. ‘But you’re paying.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, cool. I’ll come get you at noon.”

 

-

 

When Courfeyrac enters Grantaire and Eponine’s apartment, he’s oddly not surprised to find Grantaire on the floor, splashing paint up on the ceiling.

 

“Did I come at a bad time?” He asks.

 

Grantaire rolls over to look at him.

 

“No, just renovating. What’s up?”

 

Courfeyrac smiles, “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me tomorrow. You know, two pals hanging out.”

 

“Uh, I’ll have to check if Eponine-“

 

“Great!’ Courfeyrac interrupts. ‘Meet me at the Musain at noon.”

 

-

 

The weather isn’t too bad. Courfeyrac’s extremely grateful for this, because then Enjolras can’t blame his blush on the cold. Neither can Grantaire, but he’s always been better at hiding this kind of stuff.

 

“It’s been so long since we had lunch together,” Courfeyrac says.

 

Enjolras shrugs indifferently, “We’ve never had lunch without Ferre. It’s always been the three of us.”

 

“I know, but I kind of wanted some quality Enjy time,’ Courfeyrac pauses and grins. ‘Enjoltime.”

 

Enjolras groans, “Don’t make that a thing.”

 

“Why not? Now everyone will want some quality Enjoltime!”

 

“Why did I even agree to this?” Enjolras mutters.

 

Courfeyrac links their arms and smiles innocently. He can’t let Enjolras know of his plans. Not until he sees Grantaire, tells them to enjoy their lunch date, and makes a run for it.

 

“Because you love me and my happiness is very important to you.”

 

Enjolras rolls his eyes. Courfeyrac’s phone beeps, and he slows his pace down a bit. He fishes it out of his pocket.

 

**From R:** so turns out ep wants me to go to one of gav’s things at school

**From R:** like a field trip i think

**From R:** apparently she signed me up months ago and she never told me

**From R:** so anyways i can’t make it to lunch

**From R:** sorry

**To R:** nah that’s fine bro i still have enjy to keep my company

**From R:** wait what

**From R:** apollo’s there too

**From R:** what the fuck man why didn’t u tell me

**To R:** hahaha oops didn’t realize

**To R:** i thought i did

**From R:** DAMN EPONINE

 

Courfeyrac sighs. Another plan gone wrong. He’s not really in the mood to feel humiliated right now, so he doesn’t bother answering when Enjolras asks him why he looks upset.

 

And he still has to pay for the lunch date that _wasn’t even supposed to be for him_.

 

 

3.

 

_It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas_

_Everywhere you go;_

_Take a look in the five and ten glistening once again_

_With candy canes and silver lanes aglow_

Courfeyrac looks up as the Musain door opens again, and Joly and Bossuet stumble in with boxes in their arms.

 

“Lights!” Joly says loudly, kicking the door shut behind him.

 

Bossuet places his boxes on a table, “And other miscellaneous things we don’t remember buying.”

 

Joly opens one of the boxes and starts unpacking the items inside.

 

“Wreaths, candles…oh, look, this one’s scented like a British countryside, whatever that means…tissue paper, gift bags, confetti, candy-cane shaped pens… and a 2010 calendar full of cats dressed as Santa.”

 

Musichetta laughs from behind the bar, “Oh, I remember that! You persuaded my parents to hang it up in here.”

 

“Yeah, and then they called us ‘Those Crazy Cat Guys’ for a month,” Bossuet says.

 

Normally, Courfeyrac would join in on the fun, and share some of his embarrassing stories about a dysfunctional, pubescent Enjolras (and, oh, does he have a ton of those), but he’s on a mission.

 

“Did you guys happen to bring any mistletoe?” He asks.

 

Joly proudly holds up a branch of gorgeous mistletoe.

 

“It’s fresh,’ He says, and then gives him a serious glare. ‘Use it wisely.”

 

Courfeyrac takes the mistletoe, mock-salutes him, and then makes his way to the backroom. He has another plan, and this one is going to work, because mistletoe always works. It has to work.

 

He sets the mistletoe on one of the spare chairs and goes to the supply closet to find some tape, and those fairy lights Musichetta keeps in there.

 

It’s dark, and there are so many boxes without labels in the closet. After looking through three boxes, Courfeyrac finds his fairy lights and tape.

 

But the door’s locked.

 

He rattles the doorknob. It can’t be locked. It shouldn’t be locked. The closet door doesn’t lock, as far as he knows. Since when could the door lock?

 

Courfeyrac bangs on the door, hoping that there’s someone in the backroom nice enough to let him out. Besides, his precious mistletoe is there, and someone else might take it. He can’t spoil this one, he just can’t.

 

He sighs, sits down on a box on the floor, and waits.

 

-

 

Combeferre lets him out ten minutes later. Courfeyrac isn’t even surprised when he sees Marius and Cosette sticking the mistletoe above the bar. Combeferre pats his shoulder.

 

“It’s okay,’ He says. ‘There’s always a fourth time.”

 

Courfeyrac snorts, “Fourth time. I’m not bothering with a fourth time.”

 

(He totally isn’t sad when Enjolras and Grantaire don’t even kiss once during the party. Now, if the mistletoe had been placed strategically, say, above a doorway, or a location they both tend to go to, then this mishap wouldn’t have happened.

 

He blames the stupid lock on the stupid closet door.)

 

 

4.

 

It’s three in the morning. Courfeyrac has an idea. A brilliant idea, if he says so himself.

 

“Ferre, I have an idea,” He whispers.

 

Combeferre makes an incomprehensible noise, rolls over to turn on the lights, puts on his glasses, and sits up.

 

“What is it?” He asks.

 

“Well, you know that trip we’re all taking? To Lyon?”

 

Combeferre sighs, “Yes.”

 

“Well,’ Courfeyrac drawls. ‘What if we assign Enjolras and Grantaire to a room, and ‘accidentally’ make sure they have only one bed?”

 

Combeferre groans and buries his face in a pillow.

 

“Not that again. Get a different hobby.”

 

“But I have to get them together, Ferre! They’re both so stupid and oblivious, so someone has to do it for them. And I can do it! Just because my past attempts failed doesn’t mean this one will. It’ll work. It always works.”

 

“In what? The movies?”

 

Courfeyrac nods, “Yes, the movies. What else do I go by?”

 

Combeferre sighs again. He reaches over to turn the lights off.

 

“Go back to sleep, Courf. And, seriously, get a new hobby.”

 

-

 

They arrive in Lyon on Saturday. Everyone’s too busy admiring the city, or trying to ward off sleep for a few more hours, to notice the mischievous expression Courfeyrac’s sporting. The only one who notices is Combeferre, and he doesn’t do anything about it. He also doesn’t bring up the plan.

 

Courfeyrac owes him for all the times he hasn’t tried to stop him.

 

-

 

“Okay, we took the liberty of sorting you all into rooms beforehand,’ Courfeyrac announces. ‘So, Ferre and I; Bahorel, Feuilly and Jehan; Eponine and Chetta; Cosette and Marius; Joly and Bossuet; and Enjolras and Grantaire.”

 

Enjolras glares at him. Courfeyrac smiles.

 

-

 

He only has time to set the plan in motion when Combeferre goes through their planned activities. It’s perfect timing, really.

 

He walks up to the hotel receptionist with an air of confidence. She doesn’t look too impressed.

 

“Hi,’ He says. ‘Can you make sure that, uh, the room for these two is a two-person?”

 

He slides a paper across the desk. The receptionist nods and types something in her computer.

 

“There you go, Monsieur,” She says.

 

Courfeyrac smiles, “Thank you.”

 

He’s done his part of the plan. Now all he has to do is wait for Enjolras and Grantaire to get their shit together.

 

-

 

“Okay, you guys are in room 201,” Courfeyrac says.

 

He looks over his shoulder just to make sure that they’re still following him. Enjolras has a tendency to get separated from the group.

 

“I still don’t understand why you put us together,” Grantaire hisses.

 

Courfeyrac pats his shoulder, “You’ll thank me later.”

 

“Thank you? For what?”

 

Courfeyrac pauses in front of their room, unlocks the door, and dramatically opens it.

 

“Or not,” He says dejectedly.

 

There are two beds in the room. He asked for one bed. What didn’t the receptionist understand about ‘two-person’?

 

“Well, we can make this work,’ Enjolras sighs, stepping into the room and surveying it. ‘If you stick to your half, and I stick to mine.”

 

“What about the bathroom? Whose half is that?” Grantaire asks.

 

Enjolras rolls his eyes, “Neither of us gets the bathroom. It’s free territory.”

 

So, attempt four was also a fail. Good going, Courfeyrac.

 

-

 

Later that night, when Combeferre asks if the plan worked, Courfeyrac doesn’t tell him.

 

 

5.

 

Grantaire’s sister is coming over in a week, and Courfeyrac has another brilliant idea. This one will work, he knows it. He can feel it.

 

Besides, this one always works, too.

 

-

 

Courfeyrac walks into the Musain and spots Grantaire at his usual table. Eponine isn’t with him, which is good.

 

“So, your sister’s coming over,’ He says as a greeting.

 

Grantaire looks up at him and nods slowly, “Yeah. Why?”

 

Courfeyrac sits across from him and leans forward.

 

“You’ll need a fake boyfriend, right? So that she doesn’t think you’re lonely, right?”

 

“I don’t think she’ll really have a problem with that,” Grantaire replies.

 

Courfeyrac dismissively flicks his hand, “Oh, whatever. You’re getting a fake boyfriend anyways.”

 

Grantaire raises an eyebrow, “And who do you have in mind?”

 

“Enjolras.”

 

For a moment, Grantaire stares at him like he’s crazy. He looks absolutely mortified when he realizes that Courfeyrac is serious.

 

“Wait,’ He says. ‘You mean that? Like, you’re going to make Apollo be my fake boyfriend for a week?”

 

Courfeyrac shrugs, “Sure, it shouldn’t be that hard. He’d do anything for his friends.”

 

“But I’m not his friend,’ Grantaire groans. ‘Not exactly.”

 

“Well, if my plan works, then you can be even more.”

 

“But it’s not going to work, he hates me. And I’m honestly fine with that. Really, there’s no need to try and set us up.”

 

Courfeyrac snorts. He notices the glass of whiskey on the table and raises an eyebrow.

 

“It’s not even noon,” He says.

 

Grantaire smirks, “Yeah, but it’s midnight somewhere else.”

 

“I don’t…never mind. So you’ll do it?”

 

“It’s probably a really bad idea,’ Grantaire says. ‘But I don’t really have anything to lose, so I guess I can. It’s not going to work, though. Just warning you.”

 

“Oh, it will. It always does.”

 

-

 

Getting Enjolras to agree is an entirely different story. A much more difficult story.

 

“Let me get this straight,’ He says. ‘You want me to pretend to be Grantaire’s boyfriend while his sister is visiting?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Enjolras pauses his pacing and turns to face Courfeyrac.

 

“Why can’t Eponine do it?”

 

Courfeyrac rolls his eyes, “Because she knows that Eponine is his best friend.”

 

“But why me?”

 

“Because! Just because you were the first person who came to mind, okay? Besides, it’d be a nice thing to do.”

 

Enjolras narrows his eyes, “Courf.”

 

“Yes?”

 

This probably isn’t going to be good.

 

“Why was I the first person who came to mind?”

 

And there it is.

 

“Um, maybe because you have a giant crush on R and you’re too stupid to admit it so I need to help you out?” Courfeyrac tries.

 

Enjolras blushes, “I do not have a giant crush on him.”

 

“Sure,” Courfeyrac says knowingly.

 

“I don’t!”

 

“Whatever you say, Enj.”

 

Enjolras crosses his arms.

 

“Fine, I’ll do it, but only to prove to you that I don’t have a crush on him.”

 

-

 

Grantaire goes to pick up his sister at the airport.  Enjolras isn’t with him because Grantaire didn’t want to freak her out. He thought it’d be too much if she discovered he had a ~~fake~~ ‘existent love life’.

 

“Do you think she’ll like me?” Enjolras asks.

 

Courfeyrac frowns, confused, “Who?”

 

“Grantaire’s sister.”

 

“Everyone likes you. She’d be crazy not to.”

 

Enjolras doesn’t reply. Courfeyrac wonders why he cares, if he doesn’t have a crush on Grantaire.

 

Enjolras doesn’t deny it when he asks.

 

-

 

**From R:** so there’s no need for enjy to meet my sister now

**To R:** what???????????

**To R:** WHY

**From R:** I dunno she just said she’ll meet him another time because this week is all about ~me~

**To R:** stupid

**To R:** well that failed

**From R:** what failed

**From R:** courf

**From R:** courf tell me

**To R:** nvm it’s not important

 

 

+1

 

“Well, how is your mission going?” Combeferre asks.

 

Courfeyrac sighs and sips his caramel latte. He’s been trying to avoid this question for days, but it was inevitable. Someone was going to ask him eventually.

 

“Well, it’s…failed. Miserably.”

 

Combeferre considers this. “How many attempts?”

 

“Five.”

 

“Don’t worry, your sixth will work out.”

 

“That’s the thing,’ Courfeyrac sighs. ‘There isn’t going to _be_ a sixth. I’m going to take your advice and just let it be, you know?”

 

Combeferre looks slightly taken aback. This probably wasn’t what he was expecting.

 

“Oh, all right.”

 

Courfeyrac hopes that they'll be able to get their shit together without his help. Because there is no way he's making another attempt.

 

-

 

Their meeting that evening goes to hell. Enjolras brings up his speech about rallying the people, and of course Grantaire is there to poke at it and rip apart every argument Enjolras throws his way. When Courfeyrac leaves the back room to get some water, he pities all the other people there, who look mortified. He’d be scared, too, if he wasn’t used to it.

 

“Why do you even come to our meetings if you don’t care about our causes?” Enjolras hisses.

 

Grantaire looks just about ready to rip his throat out.

 

“BECAUSE I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU!” He yells.

 

Enjolras blinks. Grantaire takes a deep breath, as if he’s just realized what he’s said, and sits down. Eponine pats his arm sympathetically.

 

“Um,” Enjolras says.

 

Grantaire buries his face in his hands and sighs, “I fucked this up, didn’t I?”

 

“No,’ Enjolras is blushing now. ‘No, no you didn’t. Can we…uh, can we talk? In private?”

 

Grantaire looks up and shrugs. He ignores the looks Eponine sends his way as he follows Enjolras into the supply closet. Courfeyrac hates that closet now.

 

“That was…” Bossuet begins.

 

“Awesome,” Bahorel says, grinning crookedly.

 

Cosette clears her throat, “Awkward. Did they even notice we were here?”

 

“Probably not,” Eponine says, shrugging.

 

“I wonder what’s going on in there,” Joly looks over at the closet, eyes narrowed.

 

Bahorel raises an eyebrow, “Do you really want to know?”

 

“No.”

 

Courfeyrac, on the other hand, does want to know. He’d be pissed if they were solving their problems, and it had nothing to do with him.

 

-

 

That’s exactly the impression he gets when they stumble out of the closet fifteen minutes later. Their hair is messy, clothes askew, and Enjolras’ lips look like he’s been biting them for twenty-four consecutive hours. He’s also blushing like a plastic doll.

 

Courfeyrac raises an eyebrow. He’s smiling despite himself.

 

Grantaire smiles a bit, and he’s assuming things went well.

 

“It was what it looks like.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, mes amis! <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr at epo-nine :)


End file.
